What deep questions should I ask my husband or wife?

Ask about the things that shaped them before you: their parents' marriage, the hardest year they lived through, the choice they nearly made differently, and what they hope is remembered about the two of you.

Can we do this together?

Yes. Many couples each keep a story space and answer the same questions, so both lives are written down rather than one.

How do we keep the answers?

Go Family Story sends three questions a week by private link and keeps every answer, photo and voice recording in one private archive.

Questions to ask your partner

You can share a home for thirty years and still not know what someone was like at nine, or what they were afraid of the year you met. These questions are for the parts of your partner's life you were not there for, and for the years you were.

Questions to ask your partner about their own life

Ask a few at a time, over dinner or in writing. They work as well after four decades as after four months.

1.When did you know this was going somewhere?
2.Who in your family told the best stories, and were they true?
3.What was our first proper date really like from your side?
4.What is your favourite memory of our early days?
5.What was the first home we shared like for you?
6.Where did you go when you wanted nobody to find you?
7.What do you remember about the day we married or committed to each other?
8.What did you feel that day that you never said?
9.What is the hardest year we have been through, and how did you get through it?
10.Which letter or message have you kept?
11.When did you nearly give up, and what made you stay?
12.What do you wish you said more often?
13.What has been our best day together?
14.Who did you nurse or care for, and what did that cost you?
15.What has been our best ordinary day together?
16.What did we build together that you are proud of?
17.What did having children change between us?
18.What do you own that has no value to anyone but you?
19.What do you think we got right as parents?
20.What did you want out of life back then?
21.What was your family like when you were growing up?
22.What would you say to someone who is nineteen and frightened?
23.What did love look like in the house you grew up in?
24.What did you learn from that?
25.What was the first year of us really like from your side?
26.What makes you laugh out loud when you are alone?
27.What was the hardest thing we have been through together?
28.What got us through it?
29.What do you think we are good at as a pair?
30.What did your parents do for work?
31.What do you wish we did more of?
32.What was becoming a parent together like for you?
33.What have you given up for this life of ours?
34.What frightened you as a child?
35.What are you most proud of about our life?
36.What do you worry about for us?
37.What do you still want to do together?
38.What did you and your friends do on a Friday night?
39.Where do you want us to be in ten years?
40.What were you doing with your life the week before we met?
41.When did you decide you wanted this to be serious?
42.How did you meet the person you loved most?
43.What was our first home like, honestly?
44.What did we live on in those early years?
45.What is the best decision we ever made together?

Turn these questions into a gift they'll keep

We send the questions for you. They answer free from their inbox, and every answer, photo and recording is gathered into one private archive — kept on a highly secure database, and downloadable by you at any time.

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Questions to answer about your partner

Write your own answers, and ask their friends, siblings and children. What you each noticed is a portrait nobody can draw alone.

46.How did you and your partner first meet, from your point of view?
47.What have you learned from watching them rather than being told?
48.What did you notice about them first?
49.When did you realise you wanted to build a life with them?
50.What do you remember most clearly about your wedding or commitment to each other?
51.When do you see them at their bravest?
52.What do you remember most about the first home you shared?
53.What does an ordinary evening together look like now?
54.What did they always do for you without being asked?
55.What is their idea of a waste of time?
56.What do they tease you about?
57.When you disagree, how do the two of you usually find your way back to each other?
58.What have they teach you about love?
59.What film or book have they made you watch or read?
60.What is the hardest thing you have faced together, and how did you handle it?
61.How were they when you were ill or afraid?
62.What were they like as a parent, if you had children?
63.What have they done for you that you have never properly thanked them for?
64.What have the two of you built together that makes you proud?
65.What did they never lose interest in?

Collect the answers in one place

Go Family Story sends three of these questions a week by private link. The person answers with a free account, and every answer, photo, video and voice recording is kept in one private archive that only your family can see.

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Common questions

What deep questions should I ask my husband or wife?: Ask about the things that shaped them before you: their parents' marriage, the hardest year they lived through, the choice they nearly made differently, and what they hope is remembered about the two of you.
Can we do this together?: Yes. Many couples each keep a story space and answer the same questions, so both lives are written down rather than one.
How do we keep the answers?: Go Family Story sends three questions a week by private link and keeps every answer, photo and voice recording in one private archive.